


No Wedding and a Funeral

by TriDogMom



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M, Humor, Monster In Law, Two Bit Tramp
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-28
Updated: 2019-07-28
Packaged: 2020-07-24 19:35:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,380
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20019889
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TriDogMom/pseuds/TriDogMom
Summary: A wedding invitation only a Monster-in-Law would like





	No Wedding and a Funeral

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt from a picture on the Strictly Dramione Facebook group

“Draco, we are fully capable of picking out our own wedding invitations. I don’t need your mother, who hates me by the way, to pick them out for us.”

Hermione and Draco had started dating halfway through their Eighth year at Hogwarts. Headmistress McGonagall had made them Head Boy and Girl. Being together so often they realized that they had a lot in common, once you got past blood status. On a dare from Ginny, Hermione had kissed Draco after a night of drinking and the two had been together ever since. After two years together, Draco had proposed during Hogmanay last month. 

During their relationship, Lucius had warmed up to Hermione almost right away. Like his son, once the war was over and he put blood status behind him, he realized she was perfect for Draco. Any girl willing to go toe to toe with him at the age of twelve, then punch Draco in the face at fourteen was the kind of woman his son needed. Soon the two of them were often found together in the Manor library discussing books, politics, or arguing over an obscure historical fact that no one else cared about. 

Narcissa loathed Hermione. There was no other word to describe it. Hermione had tried everything to bond with the statuesque blonde. She tried going to boring tea parties and listening to mindless gossip, she let Draco order for her at restaurants because ‘a  _ proper _ woman doesn’t order her own food when her man can do it for her’, she even suffered through two long, awkward days shopping with her in Paris. And still Narcissa turned her nose up at her. 

“She doesn’t hate you Hermione.” Draco stopped at the look Hermione gave him. “I know she hasn’t warmed up to you yet, but I told you, it takes time.”

“It’s been two years Draco!”

“I’m sorry Draco, but I think Hermione is right on this one.” The couple turned to see Blaise sitting on the couch in their bedroom. 

“Blaise?” Hermione gave him a sharp look. “When did you get here?” It was a Saturday morning and Draco and Hermione hadn’t left their room yet. 

“Last night. I came over after my date with, umm, I forgot her name. Anyway, after we shagged, I left and came over here. You two weren’t home yet so I kipped on your couch for the night.”

“I’m sorry, let me get this straight. We weren’t home yet, so you decided to sleep on the couch in our room instead of sleeping in one of the four guest rooms? Or the couches in other areas of the house that  _ aren’t _ our bedroom?”

“Well, I could have, but it is easier to listed to you two have sex if I sleep in here. Last night sounded like it wa-“

Blaise was cut off when simultaneous spells hit his chest. 

“Stunner. You?” Draco looked at Hermione. 

“Stinging hex. Draco, your friend needs to learn boundaries. It is not normal that he acts this way.”

“Well at least we know he is lying this time. Thank Merlin I was too tired last night.”

“You two fucking suck.” Blaise stood up, rubbing his chest. “As I was saying before, Draco, your mother hates her. Nothing you can do about it. Now, as your Best Man-“

“Wait, who said I chose you to be my Best Man?”

“I did.”

“Fine, you’re my Best Man, continue.”

“Thank you. As your Best Man, I am happy to take that sexy little ginger Hermione will have as her Maid of Honour and we will get a few sample invitations printed so you two can decide what you like.”

“Her name is Ginny, Blaise.” Hermione gave him a calculated look, “That is very helpful, but why are you being so nice?”

“Because I want to go on a date with Ginny and she keeps saying no.”

“So being the cunning Slytherin that you are,”

“I am going to make sure like me while we work on your invitations.”

“Thank you Blaise. There is a copy of everything we want printed on my desk downstairs. You already know what Pureblood invitations should look like, and Ginny knows my style. Can you please have five to ten styles for me to choose from?”

“Anything for the Bride.”

With a quick kiss on her cheek and a punch on Draco’s arm, Blaise was gone. 

  
  


* * *

  
  


“Are you sure this is correct?” 

Blaise and Ginny were at the stationary shop in Diagon Alley and the lady working was giving them a disbelieving look. 

“Positive.” Ginny glanced over the invitation wording on the paper they had brought in. “I know it is a little unconventional, but the bride is,” looking around to make sure the shop was empty, “a Muggleborn. They do things a little different than witches.”

“Alright. Give me a few minutes and I will get the mockups printed for you in each of the styles you requested.”

The witch turned red as Blaise winked at her, “Thank you for your assistance.”

  
  


* * *

  
  


Hermione and Draco were just standing to walk to the dining room with Lucius and Narcissa when the fireplace in their house turned green, Blaise and Ginny stepping out. 

“Hello Malfoy’s.” Blaise smiled at them. 

“We have your invitations Hermione.” Ginny held the box out to her. “We’d love to stay, but we’re going out to dinner together. Have a great night.”

In a whirl of green the two were gone. 

“Well,” Narcissa sneered, “That was abrupt and rather rude. And Draco, darling, I I thought we agreed I was going to pick the invitations.”

“Let’s continue to dinner. Mother, I know you wanted to do the invitations, but Hermione and I wanted to have an idea of what styles we liked so we could give you a few options to choose from.”

“What?” Hermione muttered to him under her breath.

“I don’t want to fight with her, please.”

“Fine, you owe me Draco.”

Sniffing in disdain, Narcissa reached for the box. “Let me see what  _ options _ I have to choose from.”

“Mother, can it wait until after dinner?”

“No Draco, I want to see them now. Dinner will hold for a few moments.” Sitting down she opened the box and gasped. 

Closing his eyes to gather his thoughts he ignored the ‘We never should have trusted Blaise’ Hermione hissed in his ear. “Is everything alright Mother?”

“Alright? Oh Draco. They are just perfect!”

“What?”

“What?”

“Pardon?”

“Narcissa, may I see one please?” Lucius took the offered invitation from his wife and Draco swore he heard an explicative escape his mouth. 

“Mother, please hand me one.”

“Draco, you might want to take her wand first.” Lucius nodded at Hermione. 

“Take my wand? Why would he- Oh that son of a bitch. Lucius, how bad is it? Am I going to kill Blaise?”

Draco and Narcissa seemed to be ignoring their partners as Narcissa was refusing to give Draco any of the invitations. 

Summoning one from the box, Hermione took the invitation in her hand and saw red. 

* * *

YOU ARE REGRETFULLY INVITED

TO THE WEDDING BETWEEN MY PERFECT SON, 

_ Draco Lucius Malfoy _

AND SOME

_ Cheap Two-Bit Tramp _

THE BIGGEST DISASTER IN MY 

FAMILY’S HISTORY WILL TAKE PLACE AT

_ 7 of the Clock, in the evening of Saturday June 21st _

__ AND NO DOUBT WILL END IN DIVORCE.

HOPEFULLY IN TIME TO STILL BE ELIGIBLE FOR AN ANNULMENT.

THE OVERWHELMINGLY DISAPPOINTING HEARTBREAK OF A CEREMONY

WILL BE FOLLOWED BY DINNER, WHERE NUTS WILL BE SERVED

BECAUSE WHATSHERFACE HAS AN ALLERGY

* * *

“Draco, give it back! They are perfect. I will order them tomorrow.”

“Mother, you can not print these!”

“Lucius, tell Draco they are perfect.”

_ Whhhiirrpp _

Herrmione’s loud whistle interrupted the chaos. 

“Thank you. Draco, I am going to go kill Blaise and Ginny. Lucius, I am sorry I will not be able to enjoy dinner with you. Hopefully we can meet up for lunch this week.” At his nod she turned. “Narcissa, we are not sending these out. But, you may keep all these samples because Merlin knows nothing else about our relationship has made you smile this much.”

With a load crack Hermione was gone. 

“You know,” Narcissa looked at the stop Hermione had disappeared, “I think I like her.”

  
  



End file.
